The Ways We Fight

You'll come to know!! I'll ignore you now.
The old silent treatment. We'll ignore and deprive our partner of our attention so that they know that we angry or annoyed and thus notice us. If they respond, they care. If they don't, they don't love us. (If you really loved me, you would respond with concern to my silence.)

Reasons behind such treatment:-

Maybe if you ignore them, they’ll see how important this “issue” is to you. Maybe they’ll see how hurt you are and not do what they did again. If you ignore them, maybe they’ll be nicer to you and extend themselves to bring you out of your silence. This will prove that they really love you.

Useful Ideas

1. Talk openly and honestly. Know your intentions behind your words.

2. Understand silence isn’t motivating, its only leading to lack of communication and thus increasing the confusion.

I need to teach you a lesson.
Since your lover gets unhappy when you spend time on the computer, you'll purposefully spend more time on the computer to teach him/her to accept this about you. You'll show them that you have better things to do than be with them. You do the exact opposite of what they want so they'll learn to be more accepting and to prove you can't be manipulated by them. But then they just becomes even more angry thinking you're deliberately going against their wishes.

Useful Ideas

1. Again talk openly and honestly. Know the intentions behind your words.

2. Look at what areas you'd like for your partner to change, and then examine how those changes would benefit you.

3.Discuss what you've discovered with your partner.

You hurt me, now I am going to hurt you.
You felt hurt by something your lover said or did. You want them to feel the same pain back so you do or say something that you're sure will push a button.
You had hoped that if you got angry, they'd see how much it means to you and will stop doing what you don't want them to do. You’re simply saying, “If you continue to behave in this way, you're going to have to experience my wrath.” You had unknowingly hoped that your anger and hostility would be effective. But as it turns out, they push back and become angry themselves. Even if the person is willing to change, they don't want to be shoved, manipulated and condemned into changing. Their reaction is to fight back.

Useful Ideas

1. Take responsibility for your emotions. When you become angry, who's responsible for that anger?
2. Talk openly and honestly. Know the intentions behind your words.

3. Think of the times you have become angry with your partner. Was it because you were hurt, or wanted them to stop doing something Discuss with your partner what you discover.

And above all to avoid fights you need to be completely Honest.