Is Love Painful?

The pain associated with relationships has more to do with fear, than love.
Who hasn't experienced the pain of love? Or is it the pain of rejection? It's important to distinguish between love and totally separate feelings like self denial.

When it comes to pain surrounding love, we're more likely referring to the side effects of love. The love baggage, we might call it. For some reason, many people assume negative emotions are a part or element of love. But experientially we know this isn't true.

Love is not painful, it is an incredible feeling. The pain and hurt we feel doesn’t come from love, it comes from within ourselves that is from our doubts, fears, anxiety, rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, etc. So why do we as a culture lump all those other feelings in with love?

Perhaps it’s because we feel these uncomfortable emotions most often in association with our love relationships. Our primary relationships are important to us, so we assume these doubts and fears are all part of the loving experience. But is this really true?

When we are fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, are we truly experiencing a state of love? They sure feel different, don't they? Love feels warm, open, joyous, happy and filled with a deep sense of appreciation. Pain steps into a love relationship when you switch it from a wanted relationship, into a needed relationship or may be in some cases obsession.

If you go into a relationship not feeling good or confident about yourself, about your looks and sex appeal, you're more likely to become dependent on your partner to help you feel good about yourself.  If we felt empty before they appeared in our lives, we fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying with us becomes important for our social survival. I have seen some people who have always been in love, they are in new relationship minute the old one ends. They are proud about the facts that they have a boyfriend who is very nice in every way and their friend doesn’t have or may be they have but he’s not as nice as their own boyfriend. This fact is of course not true the other guy can even be better then their own love but they won’t ever agree with it. Such people always need constant attention. And thus it can also lead to dependency. That dependency can create all kinds of fear and unhappiness when there's a perceived threat to you staying together.

If we aren’t giving ourselves the acceptance we crave, we look around us and search for people to provide it for us. Again, none of this has a thing to do with the love you feel, but everything to do with the fear you feel.